This was a comment we received from one of our readers. We think it is a question that might be very useful for other readers as well..
Our reader Bidya, writes..
In geeta it is written that one should do always good things but if one tries to do good and if one is thinking and doing good of one whom he/she loves and if the same person if hurting him/her then what should one do?
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Hello Bidya, to answer your question- what we should do if someone whom we love is hurting us : In Bhagavadgita there are many soothing schlokas to explain this but only for the purpose of our undertstanding we discuss a few here:
Generally our love is motivated by some desire – in other words, there is always some expectation that you keep form the person whom you love or try to be good. However, if our love is unconditional i.e. without expecting anything in return, then there will be nothing that will hurt you. In fact only a person whom you know or you think you love can hurt you because there is no reason for us to be hurt by millions of persons in this world whom we do not know.
Under such circumsances, if you have truly loved any one with the only prupose of making him/her happy and not make yourself happy, your mind should remain in the same state without feeling hurt.
In Geeta Chapter 13/Schloka 27 Lord says “Saamam Sarveshu Bhooteshu Tishthantam Parameshwaram” i.e. the one who sees the same supreme imperishable and abiding Lord equally in all sees truly the Self. Thus in true love if you consider yourself as no different from the person whom you love, there will be no feeling of being hurt. When a child is naughty it becomes stubborn and demands whatever he or she wants/ and the parent may feel hurt but because of their true love they always wish for the welfare of the child forgetting the wrong doings of the child ,which happens due to the quality of unselfish love.
Lord also says in Chapter 12/Schola 18 :”Samah Shatrou cha mitre cha tatha manapmanayo” i.e. He who deals equally with friend and foe,and is the same in honour and ignominy that person is dear to me. Thus it would help us best to take away the feeling of being hurt and forget about all so called good things you consider have done for the person. You can forget it only if you did it without any expectations.
You can also develop the quality of compassion towards the person who you think may be hurting you, as Lord tells in Chapter 16 /Schloka 2 “Daya Bhooteshshwaloluptvam, Mardawam Hrirchaplam” Compassion towards all creatures and absence of attachment, and mildness in delaing with the person which can change the attitude of the person and then he or she would no longer hurt you but insead respect you and love you.
Thus Bhagavad Gita has proposed many ways in which we can deal with the probelms of above nature in our life. Hari Om